Change is scary

I am a bit over 24 weeks pregnant today. This is my first pregnancy and everything is new and a mixture of exciting, weird, lonely and scary. Having been in Vegas for almost 10 years now I still can't say I have made more than a handful of meaningful friendships. thankfully my husband is awesome and my siblings too. Obviously my husband has given me a reason to stay in Las Vegas,  his job is good here and I feel at home with him. We got married with the plan of starting a family and raising our children in the Catholic faith. Before I dated my husband he was not at all familiar with religion but he was baptized Catholic by his wonderful aunt. This weekend I got a free shutterfly picture book from Travelocity for booking my last flight with them. I spent all day Saturday and several hours today sorting through all my old photos on Facebook to make a Vegas album. The majority of the fun in it was the spending so many hours creating a costume and dressing up with other girls, that is where I bonded with the most unlikely of friends. Friends that have since drifted away onto their own things. I as well just by getting married and focusing on my marriage and building a safe, healthy and happy home for children to be raised in. I am excited to get my new photo book and have that as a keepsake of memories and how I used to be and how I have changed.

 I will always love dressing up and being girly but I know it's not going to be the same. It's time to accept a new chapter. One that will bring a new and greater love into my life. Someone who I know I will love in a way I have never loved before. It's easy to forget that since my body is going through so many changes and my mentality has to catch up quickly. Society tells women our bodies are meant to be sexy and perfect, and a lot of our value comes from our appearance. Even knowing that this is completely wrong deep inside. It's always been a constant battle for me to fully accept. I can accept it but I know I am treated differently when I wear my hair down, or wear a little mascara for instance. Now I am finally able to see another side to my body. What God designed is awesome. I am able to see how my body was created to work so hard to build and then sustain a miracle. I have to admit it's exciting that my body will literally provide milk for the little angel that is growing inside me. The weird is just how quickly my stomach and breasts have grown and changed, the kicks and wriggles I feel all day, and the way I don't fit in my shoes or wedding ring. The lonely is that no one really wants to talk about the weird, and not many of my friends have really opened up about their experiences. The scary is that I don't know what I will be like as a new mom, how will I still be fun and attractive? Will I be able to stay positive and keep my husband positive? On some level I know that it will all work out it's just so new.